Game of Thrones – S07E05 – Eastwatch

This entry is part 6 of 8 in the series:
Game of Thrones Season 7

This last episode was called Eastwatch, which coincidentally sounds a lot like ‘easy-to-watch’. Which is what, I am slightly displeased to say, this episode was. It was the part of the essay that I’m bad at, the ‘linking’ sentence. Honestly, watching felt like more of a death penalty.

Anyone who is familiar with the show can tell you that nothing and I mean nothing, is in there for no reason. I guess lately though; the writers have to cram in as much as possible, considering they’ve spent years dragging out these storylines that need to somehow come to an end in the next three or so hours of screen time. Every second has a purpose to the larger story, so I do not doubt that the cheesy, soap opera undertones that we keep seeing this season, can be dismissed for the sake of the larger picture. Boy, there must be some hell of a finale.

Anyway as I said, this was a filler episode, to link up all the things that should’ve happened years ago, not that this show has any indication of a sequence of events in which time is a present factor… but that’s none of my business.

But we’ll all get through it, we may not make it through alive, but minor details. One step after another. And now, one character after the other. So as Dora would have me say, as she’s creepily staring at me through the tv asking where we are going next on this grand adventure, vámonos!

Arya:

Luckily for us, even though there wasn’t a lot of exciting stuff for me to comment on in this episode, there are random internet people who have way too much spare time to interpret the weird things.

We saw an unnecessarily long scene of cat-and-mouse games between Arya and Littlefinger, which eventually led her to a note, strategically placed in her reach by Littlefinger.

Quick side question; has anyone ever looked at that damning Petyr Baelish and not automatically thought, “What’s he up tooo???”

Anyway, someone figured out what it said;

“Robb, I write to you with a heavy heart. Our good King Robert is dead, killed from wounds he took in a boar hunt. Father has been charged with treason. He conspired with Robert’s brothers against my beloved Joffrey and tried to steal his throne. The Lannisters are treating me very well and provide me with every comfort. I beg you: come to King’s Landing, swear fealty to King Joffrey and prevent any strife between the great houses of Lannister and Stark.”

Sounds familiar? Yeah no me neither dude, but just rewind real quick back to Season 1.

(Hey but a fun fact, if you were to rewind game of thrones from the end of the last episode all the way back to the start at the usual x4 rewind speed, it would take you about 16 hours and 25 minutes. I did the maths. Be proud.)

Okay so back in Season 1, Sansa was all princess, fairy tales, rainbows and pink nail polish, and she was taken off to Kings Landing to marry the most infamously hated character ever created, Joffrey. I can’t tell you when this part happened, because, as I said, there’s no time in Westeros… but Cersei forced Sansa to write the note for one of her schemes.

Obviously, Littlefinger has noticed the strained relationship between our favourite (and only surviving) pair of GoT sisters, and taken this to his advantage.

To Arya, this note is solid proof of exactly what she accused Sansa of, betrayal of her brother. So the girls are going to have a little fight, and all bets say that little finger will take advantage of a destroyed and angry Sansa.

I think Arya should be smart enough to figure out that Sansa wasn’t doing what it looked like, but then again, Arya is only 14 and a moody teenage assassin with an all-knowing brother and a red head sister. Can’t be a great mix for success right?

Sam and fam:

We were so close! Sam was sitting there, all in his mood, with Gilly and the baby, and Gilly has absolutely nailed reading! She goes on to read something about an annulment for Prince Raggar and a secret wedding in Dorne that he had to someone else at the same time. Salty ass Sam tells his missus to stop talking before we get the whole story. But that’s just about confirmed Jon’s parentage, making him Dany’s nephew for sure. Which is why, of course, Drogon didn’t get too hot and heavy about Jon patting him.

Which brings us to our next order of kebabs *cough* I mean business… our next order of business.

Dany:

The first we see of her, features her delivering the same speech that she’s given every season to free the slaves. Except for this time, everything she says is undermined completely by the whole, “Choose freedom and liberty and a fair world with me, or I’ll just kebab you thanks.” I’m here trying to figure out who’s more vindictive between her and Cersei; I honestly don’t even have an answer. Honestly, with all the noise that dragon was making, they probably just didn’t understand that they were going to die.

Tyrion is all “don’t go beheading these lords, please, don’t be dumb”, and fire princess goes cold, delivering her chilling line… “I’m not beheading anyone.”

As I said, she’s crazy. Her father’s only represented character trait was being crazy. I’m not exactly a mental health expert, but we can’t just dismiss this stuff just because all her family were beautiful. Is the crazy-hot ratio some kind of joke to this chick?

In the grand tradition of millennial/communist representation in this show, that Targaryen simply killed whoever didn’t fall (to communism), refusing to bend the knee to her cause. She just threw a tantrum and burned them alive. Because why not? So, bye bye Randall and Dickon Tarly. On your grave stone, it shall be written: “I had no idea you were related to the fat book worm”.

Dany and Drogon flew up to Jon when they got back home, presumably to scare the poor guy, but things between snow and the Drogon got pretty sentimental. For us, that is. We’ve seen the dragons interact with strangers before (remember when Tyrion Lannister/Targaryen got close-up and personal with the dragons). But Dany’s never seen her dragon love anyone but her, and her shock shows.

That’s when Dany got curious about this rude intruder of hers… she finally asks him about Davos’ slip of the tongue. You know, when he accidentally got carried away about how cool Jon is and mentioned how Jon “literally took a knife to the heart”. A figure of speech, Jon claims. Dany’s not convinced.

Jorah:

Enough of the secret Targaryens and incest OTP’s, the original friend-zoned sucker is back in the game! Step forward, Jorah Mormont, this is your tape. Or at least, Jon looked like he wanted to kill himself when you walked in and hugged his new little crush.

For example;

Anyway, they all met up with Gendry and the two guys in jail to team up and bring a white walker back to Cersei. FINALLY VÁMONOS!

Tyrion:

Why is he always so cute and sentimental? This scene killed. Tyrion and Jorah being mates. Jorah was looking off (at presumably Jon) before kissing Dany’s hands and being all cute. But Dany legit seemed more sad about how serious Jon is towards her than saying goodbye to Jorah again and let’s be real, that means that poor old Jorah is still in the friend zone and Dany wants the snowman.

Tyrion took off to the red keep to meet with his big bro, to ask Cersei to meet with Khaleesi, and brought back Gendry, a character about whom I have no knowledge or opinion of.

Cersei and Jaime:

Jaime lives. Yeah, I’m as annoyed as you are. Bronn pulls him out of the water, not because he cares, but because Jaime owes him too much land. He then goes onto call Jaime stupid, like “you saw the dragon between you and her…?”

Jaime, after being caught out by Cersei for his little meeting, tells his twinny sis about how the dwarf didn’t kill her wretched son, Ollena did. He also tells sis that Dothraki and dragons are scary oooOOH. Then they threw it back (again) to season one, when their dear father (who BTW, didn’t get even a portion of how much character development or background as he deserved, but died like all the rock stars, on the tooter), said “A lion does not concern itself with the opinion of sheep.”

Now would be a good time to point out the literary links between the following lines;

“A lion does not concern itself with the opinion of sheep.” – Tywin Lannister
“Are you a sheep? No, you’re a dragon.” – Grandma Tyrell to Daenerys
“Leave one wolf alive, the sheep are never safe.” – Arya to Walder Frey

In the end, Jaime’s not convinced that beating Khaleesi is a possibility, but Cersei doesn’t care. She’s in it for the fight.

She says “Do you really think anything happens in this place without me knowing?” and BAM that’s how we all know she’s gonna be a mummy!!

Honestly, I’m 99% sure she’s lying to manipulate the almost-dead guy emotionally, but that’s fine.

Until next week.

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“Stick ’em with the pointy end,”