An Unpunctual Update: 2 Truths, 1 Lie

Clears throat of my internet presence after not speaking for half a year.’

Umm so I haven’t posted in nearly seven months, and although I doubt that my absence has severely impacted your life, I’m sure that reading this won’t make your day worse.

Do y’all know how much can happen in six months though?! I could have gotten a fake ID, developed a gambling habit, got married by an Elvis impersonator in Vegas and be halfway through a pregnancy by now and most of y’all wouldn’t even know.

So, in the interest of being interesting, what I’m going to do, is update you guys to an extent, while still remaining a shady, mysterious phantom of the interwebs. At least then you guys will know I haven’t been ignoring you, I’m just busy… or am I?

I present to you, ‘2 truths, 1 lie’: Nov 2017 to June 2018 Edition.

November 2017:

1. On the 10th, my older brother and sister graduated, and my best friend also went to the grad cause she had a date and everyone looked gorgeous.
2. On the 25th, Ash and Emma and I did the glow run, which is basically a big goo fight in the dark, my phone got glow stuff in the speaker, it was coolish.
3. I broke up with Henry The Eighth because he threatened to behead me, and I was like “man the only one losing their mind here is you, boy byeee x”. Henry if you’re reading this, don’t.

December 2017:

1. On the 2nd, I heard Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ on the radio for the first time all year. That song is a bop. It fills me with Christmas Joy any time of the year. I literally love that song more than Christmas itself.
2. I got hit by a firework on New Year’s Eve, it burned half my left eyebrow off, but that grew back pretty quick because I barely have eyebrows anyway.
3. I went to national titles for AMAC and completely flopped, but there are lovely photos of the trip because we stayed in a less annoying part of Sydney then usual!

January 2018:

1. I went to Shellharbour, our car broke down an hour into the trip, pop lent us his ute. Went to Jamberoo, I didn’t die on any rides, I was sunburned as an actual lobster. My Auntie made the best pork of my life. Overall, it was the best possible way to start the year.
2. The moon turned red the night before I started school again and that was probably a sign that I should’ve dropped out.
3. I dislocated my little toe four times, once because I fell off my pet tiger.

February 2018:

1. I got a Google Pixel XL, the colour and the camera is an entire experience I love it so much.
2. I went on retreat, and it was pretty great. They talked about Jesus for a bit, made us cry, we went to the beach at sunrise, we got lost in the bush together… real bonding experience. I came back exhausted in every way but so thankful for how pretty life is.
3. Ash and I dressed up as Mario and Luigi for the swimming carnival… we’ve outdone ourselves, and now we can never dress up again.
4. None of the those was a lie, so a lot happened in February. I don’t know what to tell you, it was hard enough narrowing it down to three, okay! I also had a charming Valentine’s Day and got 2nd for legal studies and 3rd for modern history. There was an awards night, no biggy.

March 2018:

1. I’m really warm right now don’t need a jumper at all.
2. I developed an intense love for the colour yellow.
3. My favourite sibling turned 11, my second favourite sibling turned 15, and my best friend turned 18. God bless their souls.

April 2018:

1. Easter happened, and I didn’t get pimples because, to be honest, I didn’t eat that much chocolate.
2. I got my middle name changed to Bronstein, for personal reasons. Love u Trotsky x
3. I saw half the school musical and then went to Maccas because I have the smallest attention span ever, but it was great, for what I saw.

May 2018:

1. I had the best 17th birthday, and half of my life was literally sunshine because all my lovely friends got right on board with my love for yellow. I had yellow balloons, and flowers, and earrings and a top. I’m pretty sure mum has thrown it away because she hates yellow…
2. My mother didn’t force me to watch the royal wedding at all, and I didn’t find my grad dress at all nope.
3. My year group did a charity golf day thing, and it was genuinely one of the most delightful days I’ve had this year. It made me consider a career in charity, and then I realised I don’t know anything about charity, I just cooked a sausage sizzle.

That is all so far. Sorry for being distant, I’m sorry if I brought up daddy issues for you by leaving and then coming back every six months…

It’s only just June now, which means winter is about to hit me in the face and then my face will probably shatter because it’s literally ice. I’m not looking forward to it, which means I might have more to whine about on the internet soon.