Alaskan Bush People: The Shows I Binged in the 2020 Pandemic

If you haven’t heard of it – buckle in.

Alaskan Bush People is a 12-season series about a family of nine who lives off the grid in (you guessed it) the Alaskan Bush. It’s an insane concept for a television programme – but hear me out, it works. Remember Tiger King? Well, this show gained it’s (admittedly lesser) popularity the same way – through blatant and unhinged absurdity.

I’ve read a few reviews on the show, all of which critiqued it for its lack of authenticity, pointing out plot holes and dubbing it “trash TV”, and to that, I say – who cares. If it’s not real, it’s not real. Most things on TV aren’t, anyway. So I’m not going to talk about that.

The easiest way to review this show is not through seasons, nor in the format of ’10 things you’ll love”, but character by character. So, in that spirit, and with your one designated spoiler warning, we proceed.

Billy Brown

Billy is the father of the family. He looks kind of like what you think God looks like, and by that, I mean he has long white hair and a funky moustache. His well-off family passed away in a plane crash when he was 16, but he built a loving family of his own with his wife, Ami. He’s very self-assured, sentimental, positive and Christian.

Ami Brown

Ami and Billy are very, very, very in love, and their relationship is definitely the ground rock of the family. They decide to run away and live in the Alaskan Bush after 35 years; a good few spent living on a fishing boat. Ami herself is a very gentle person, very soft-spoken. She really wants grandchildren. Both she and her husband experience significant health difficulties throughout the show, but they persist in living out their dream of living in the bush.

Matt Brown

Matt is the oldest of the Brown siblings. He’s very impulsive and creative, so he doesn’t seem like the most senior of nine kids on paper. He constantly butts heads with his younger brother, Bam. Honestly, I love his energy. At some point, he leaves the show to deal with alcohol dependency issues and never returns. Truthfully, If my family made me live as a fully grown man in the Alaskan bush with a bunch of cameramen around all the time, I’d have substance abuse issues, too.

Joshua “Bam Bam” Brown

Bam is the second oldest sibling (I organised this list in order of age, so I’m going to stop specifying that now). I love his hipster look and moody vibes, but also, he’s insufferable. He’s hot-tempered and condescending with very few redeeming qualities. I would say he’s probably a Capricorn, but I just googled it, and he’s a Virgo. My point stands, though.

Solomon “Bear” Brown

Bear is the most chaotic part of this whole show. He runs everywhere. He constantly reminds the audience that he loves to climb trees. He’s also very impulsive. Red is his favourite colour, so naturally, nearly everything he owns is red. His whole thing was genuinely entertaining for longer than I thought it would be. I’ll give it to him. He’s ace at self-marketing… he’s got a clear brand, and he sticks to it.

Gabe Brown

Gabe is marketed as the brawny, dumb, gentle giant type. He is himbo incarnate. He’s lovely. He gets along with everyone in the family and does what needs to be done without complaint. He’s the best person in the show, in my opinion.

Noah Brown

Noah is the youngest boy and largely the outcast of the family. He’s a little weird. There’s some unspoken beef between him and other members of the family throughout the show. His siblings aren’t excessively nice to him. He fancies himself an inventor and creates a few really creative contraptions on screen, such as the washing machine and a butter churner for the family. I probably wouldn’t call him the ‘inventor’ of washing machines, but hey, that’s just me. Against all odds, he is the first to get married and start a family of his own.

Snowbird Brown

Bird is the oldest daughter. She’s sensitive, especially where animals are concerned. She pronounces a few words completely wrong, which irritated me to no end, but this show is like a train crash, so I continued watching it regardless. I generally don’t find oldest daughters to be particularly emotional people, so I reckon it’s a hoax, and they’re hiding the eldest daughter somewhere. Yet, most of her presence on the show is centred around her being ‘more manly’ than her brothers. By this, they mean she can shoot a gun, and she’s a perfect shot too.

Rain Brown

Rain is the youngest of the family, the only one who should be living with her parents still. Most of her storyline is centred around her wanting to help with the family’s projects and fighting for independence and responsibility. Honestly, If I were the youngest of nine children and they wouldn’t let me help build a house, I’d be okay with that. She seems calm and put together. Her full name is actually Merry Christmas Katherine Raindrop Brown, and I’m pretty sure we’d be pals.