Fun fact: I am left-handed.
As I’m sure we are all aware, left-handed people faced much adversity and danger in the past. We make up only about 12% of the population – probably because they killed off the leftie ancestors in the Salem Witch Trials. Many cultures deemed us demonic and unnatural. I am here to confirm. Yes, all left-handers are possessed. But you should be too. I just think it’s a better life. Sure, you might get the cane sometimes, and every time you write in front of a new friend, they’re going to be like, “OMG YOU’RE LEFT HANDED???” – but it’s all part of the fun.
The best part is – lefties are on the rise as discrimination lessens. They think left-handedness is somewhat genetic, but environment plays into the phenomenon quite a bit. You could have been born left-handed and taught by your parents that it was correct to write with your right hand. With my complete lack of scientific evidence in mind – I don’t see why you cannot start writing with your left hand and gain all of the following traits right away.
More prone to insomnia & alcoholism
This may seem like a repellant to the left-handed cause. Our brains take longer to shut off and tend to have more addictive behaviours – but hear me out. We’ll never be the first person to say “let’s go home” on a night out.
We tend to reach puberty 4-5 months later than right-handed peers
I don’t know if I can confirm this one, because all my friends growing up were like a year ahead of me, but if it’s true – that’s 4-5 extra months of childhood. That’s five fewer periods, five fewer pimply months; it sounds like a win to me.
More likely to be male
Strangely, I can think of one other woman I know who is left-handed. I must have lost out – but indeed, being a male is just a little easier than being a female, so congrats to those guys.
On average, we die 9 years sooner than right-handed people
In this economy, nine fewer years will save your family a lot of debt, and your early demise will be better for the environment.
We are better at multitasking
I want to confirm this, but in fact, I am not better at multitasking than anyone else – it’s just that I HAVE to do multiple things at once or nothing at all.
39% more likely to be LGBTQ
You may be thinking, “Tyneesha… why is this a good thing? Homosexual people face a lot of intolerance and danger even to this day.” and my answer to that is simple. 39% more likely to be queer means 39% more likely to be a lousy driver, reducing carbon emissions and creating safer roads.
We adjust to seeing underwater faster
Meaning when we inevitably move to a different planet completely covered in an ocean and need to return to our fish instincts to survive, left-handers will come out on top.
We are better typists
Something like 3000 words can be typed using the left hand only on a QWERTY keyboard, whereas about 300 are typed with the right hand (if you type correctly, of course). I can confirm this because, when I get going, I do be typing fast and accurate; I just always credited it to piano lessons.
We are more likely to be at either end of the intelligence scale – super dumb or super smart
I can’t entirely agree with this one. I’ve never met a particularly smart left-handed person. Like at best, we’re brilliant in one way but have a general aura of cluelessness. But I’m sure they exist somewhere.
We are more creative
I left this one to the end because it’s the one everyone knows and expected to see first. I’m creative like that because I’m left-handed.
“Start writing with your left hand today,”
